Yes, Michigan moms are tough. We’re resilient and resourceful. We can stuff one kid into snow pants and tie another’s scarf at the same time. We can clear a vehicle of the night’s ice and snowfall in two minutes flat and get everybody to school on time in our four-wheel drive SUV, even though our road was almost drifted shut.
That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t rather be on a warm beach in Cabo in February. We enjoy sunshine just as much as moms in California do. And sometimes we just don’t have patience for the things people say to us about the weather. Especially people who live in subtropical climates. (Florida, we’re looking at you.) So here are a few things we’d rather not hear you say. Sorry if we’re a little cranky, but our toes haven’t been warm since October!
1. Don’t tell us how you wear your flip-flops every single day of the year where you live. And you don’t know what you would do if you had to put on real shoes, because then no one would ever see your cute pedicure. Around here we get pedicures in January, that no one will ever see, just to thaw our feet out in the warm foot spa.
2. Don’t tell us how you had to turn the heat on in your car, because you were freezing when it got down to 65 degrees at your house this morning. Maybe you’d be warmer if you took off those flip-flops and put on some real shoes. FYI, a fashion scarf stylishly tied around your tan neck doesn’t count as winter-wear.
3. Don’t tell us how you drove up to the mountains for the day to play in the snow, and it was the most beautiful, amazing experience you’ve ever had, and you just don’t understand why we don’t love it. By the way, how did those flip-flops work out for you in the snow?
4. Don’t tell us you how you wish it would snow where you live, because you’re just so sick of the heat. Go jump in the pool and get over it. Was that mean? We told you we were a little cranky.
5. Don’t assume just because we live in the Great White North that we love winter, know how to ski and we ice fish for our dinner every night. Some of us do enjoy winter. Some of us hope climate change turns Michigan into a tropical rain forest.
6. Don’t tell us how wonderful all the family bonding must be when we’re trapped in our homes by a snowstorm. You can only play Monopoly and make snow ice cream so many times with your kids before you lose your mind.
7. Don’t say, “Just remember how much you hate the cold when you complain about the heat next August.” We will remember. Trust us, a wind chill of negative 25 isn’t something you forget. We’ll also remember that you live in San Diego where it’s a moderate 70 degrees ALL YEAR!
8. Don’t tell us to, “Just move,” if we don’t like the weather. Just find us a new job, house, good school and relocate all our extended family in Hawaii for us!
9. Don’t tell us shoveling snow is good exercise. So is jogging on a warm beach.
10. Don’t tell us you wish you had a white Christmas, because frankly we’d love to hang lights on a palm tree and have Santa deliver our presents on a surfboard. We’re dreaming of a sunny Christmas.